I Am Who I Am

Instead of tossing and turning, I work up 2 hours early. What was on my mind? I was overthinking every single part of my ride with a supervisor yesterday.
One of the most tiring aspects of my coping strategies is my brain becomes a camcorder when I feel stressed. When I’m out of the situation, the replays begin. Over and over and over again. Trivial comments are broken down as if they hold the key to human existence.
I wish I could shut my mind off. I wish I didn’t feel the need to constantly scan my environment for danger. I wish I could trust. I wish I could do as so many people suggest: stop overthinking.
As long as I’m able to rationalize the information and don’t let it overwhelm me, does it harm me to overthink? Doesn’t it take more energy to try to outmaneuver myself and my coping strategies? Is it living if I search for a way to numb my brain?
Maybe instead of resisting or rejecting the overthinking, maybe I should appreciate that it has helped me survive thus far. It has served a purpose. I am over-thinker. Whether it’s my ADHD or my PTSD, I will continue to be one. That aside, I am a survivor and a fighter. I am who I am.

“The path to great confidence is not in becoming invincible, flawless, and seemingly perfect. But rather, it is in embracing your humanity, in all its messy glory and tender vulnerability.”
– Aziz Gazipura