Functioning Alcoholic

Over the last eight years, I’ve often asked my psychologist and psychiatrist if they felt I was a functioning alcoholic.

The fear of turning to alcohol as a coping mechanism has kept me from drinking when I’ve felt hopeless, angry, or completely defeated. And I’m proud to say I’ve sustained from turning to it during those extremely low points.

What about the normal periods of my life? What about the times I socialized? What about the high points?

Alcohol was a daily habit for me. One drink would lead to another. It seemed that no matter how many drinks I consumed, I never quite felt intoxicated. Perhaps my tolerance increased to the point that “catching a buzz” required an abnormal and unthinkable amount of alcohol.

I decided to see if I could go thirty days without alcohol. I’m proud to say that even with four of my favorite beers, my favorite whiskey, and two fantastic bottles of wine at my disposal, I made the thirty days.

I read a lot of articles which listed the benefits of giving up alcohol for thirty days. To be honest, I didn’t experience 99.9% of benefits listed. I still had day time sleepiness. I didn’t notice a decrease in my anxiety. And my sleep patterns and quality of sleep remained essentially the same. However, I did realize that I don’t need alcohol to socialize. I don’t need to end the day with a drink. And I am not an alcoholic.

So where do I go from here? Is it time to pop open one of the many adult beverages lurking in my kitchen?

For right now, I am going to continue this journey of life without alcohol. While I didn’t have any mind blowing, positive effects over the past thirty days, I did learn that I do not need alcohol as a part of my daily life. When the time is right, I’ll have an occasional drink without the looming question: “Am I a functioning alcoholic?”