It’s been 20 years. I boarded the plane without any idea of what lay ahead. I was embarking on a 2-year period of psychosis. No amount of time pushes the memories completely out of my psyche.
SERO
It’s been 20 years. Why am I questioning my recent decision to speak up for myself? Why am experiencing those same feelings of rejection?
It’s been 20 years. Why am I questioning my perception? Why don’t I know who to trust?
It’s been 20 years. Why do I feel the same urge to run away? Why am I struggling not to believe that I’d better off “layin’ in that dirt”
It’s been 20 years. I’m not okay. I’m tired. I need help.
It’s been 20 years. I made the decision to accept the necessary help. Surrounded by my Veteran Brothers and Sisters in, I found comfort in knowing that I am not the only one.
It’s been 20 years. I made it to the other side. The pain is no longer pulling me down.
I’m going to be alright. We’re all going to be alright.
Tag: Stress
Dear Sonia
Dear Sonia,
I know that you feel completely overwhelmed. The current stress associated with your work injury has you spinning. As much as you want to trust the doctors at Concentra, you know that they do not care about injured employees. Instead they care about the corporations who use them to evaluate injured employees. The goal is not to provide top-notch medical care; the goal is to save the insurer money. This unfortunately is the reality of the current situation.
I know that there is another force at play behind the scene. I know that you are dealing with the memories of returning from Germany with physical and mental injuries. As much as you tell yourself that the past cannot hurt you now, you cannot stop the panic that is causing your heart to pound and your body to tense. Fighting the fear is causing you to want to shut off and run away. Fighting the fear is also pushing you to act out of anger; to act hastily. Instead, I implore you to step back for a moment. Take a moment to breathe. Take a moment to believe in your ability to protect yourself in a calm and rational manner. You are smart. You are resourceful. You are your biggest supporter.
Instead of fighting the past, change your focus. Do not dwell on the painful memories of being abandoned; rather, focus on the strength you found to fight back. Focus on the courage it took to demand medical care. Focus on the fact that even while you were somewhat “disconnected” from reality, you found a way to protect yourself.
Believe in yourself. Trust that you will survive once again. You are a warrior. You are a fighter. I love you and I believe in you.
Sincerely, SEROGet Back Up!
I’m up here
I’m looking at the way down there
I’m staring through the I don’t care
It’s staring back at me
The beauty is
I’m learning how to face my beast
Starting now to find some peace
Set myself free
Over the past three months, I have undergone many transitions. Transitions in life are stressful for most people. For me, C-PTSD makes change extremely difficult to embrace.
One of the ways I cope with stress is avoidance. With the distractions of work, it was very easy to put on a smile and hide behind a mask. Unfortunately, the distractions aren’t there when I’m on vacation. Reality has finally hit me.
Sadness, regret, guilt, and self-doubt have pushed me into back into the grips of depression. I have felt enveloped by fear; essentially paralyzed for the past two weeks. HOWEVER…I will emerge. I’ve come too far to give up now. It’s time to “get back up!”
I’m moving on
Oh god just move on
Today
I don’t have to fall apart
I don’t have to be afraid….
Get back up
Get up
Sharing And Surviving 