Tag: memories

Dear Sonia

Dear Sonia,

I know that you feel completely overwhelmed. The current stress associated with your work injury has you spinning. As much as you want to trust the doctors at Concentra, you know that they do not care about injured employees. Instead they care about the corporations who use them to evaluate injured employees. The goal is not to provide top-notch medical care; the goal is to save the insurer money. This unfortunately is the reality of the current situation.

I know that there is another force at play behind the scene. I know that you are dealing with the memories of returning from Germany with physical and mental injuries. As much as you tell yourself that the past cannot hurt you now, you cannot stop the panic that is causing your heart to pound and your body to tense. Fighting the fear is causing you to want to shut off and run away. Fighting the fear is also pushing you to act out of anger; to act hastily. Instead, I implore you to step back for a moment. Take a moment to breathe. Take a moment to believe in your ability to protect yourself in a calm and rational manner. You are smart. You are resourceful. You are your biggest supporter.

Instead of fighting the past, change your focus. Do not dwell on the painful memories of being abandoned; rather, focus on the strength you found to fight back. Focus on the courage it took to demand medical care. Focus on the fact that even while you were somewhat “disconnected” from reality, you found a way to protect yourself.

Believe in yourself. Trust that you will survive once again. You are a warrior. You are a fighter. I love you and I believe in you.

Sincerely, SERO

July


“You have too many anniversaries.” 

I wish I didn’t have to fight the calendar and the memories associated with certain dates. I wish I had a delete button to erase the the trauma associated with the summer of 2004. I cannot forget.

Many times, I just need to talk it out with someone. I remain quiet out of shame and fear. I’m ashamed that I haven’t been able to forget. I’m ashamed that I still feel the anger, confusion, and the pain. I’m ashamed that I still wonder what I did wrong. The question of “why” haunts me day and night.

It is out of fear that I remain quiet as I try to hide my internal conflict. I’m afraid that I will be a burden by sharing my present struggle. I know I sound like a broken record.  The past plays over and over again. How can I expect anyone else to tolerate this repetitive dialogue?