Easy On Me

“I had good intentions and the highest hopes. But I know right now it probably doesn’t show.”

With this particular song, I’m reminded of my divorce. At first, all I could experience was the pain. I focused on the ways I felt my ex had failed me…had failed our relationship. Gradually, I was able to acknowledge that the blame didn’t lay solely on my ex. We both played a role in the destruction of our relationship; whether it was intentional or not.

My biggest mistake was that I never truly believed that I deserved to be happy much less loved. As our love began, so did my doubt. With each passing day, I wondered if that was the day she would walk away. I tried to push aside the fear of abandonment, the fear of happiness, and the fear of being loved. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to and those insecurities molded my daily reactions to the life we shared.

I truly do believe that we both entered our marriage with “good intentions and the highest hopes.” In the end, those good intentions just weren’t enough. When my marriage ended, I felt I had one of two choices. I could focus on the mistakes, the hurtful moments, and the end. Or I could acknowledge that we were both flawed and we both hurt one another along the way. I picked the latter. Why? We fell out of “love” but we still love and respect each other. Moving on with life after a divorce is hard. Why make it even harder by holding onto bitterness and resentment? Forgive your partner; but even more importantly, forgive yourself. Go easy on them; go easy on yourself.